Zounds!

This outfit surprised even me. I wore it to go to the Orchid show with my friends and it took about two minutes before one of them exclaimed... "Hey, Célynne's wearing pants!" The only reason I was comfortable like this (and I still felt rather naked) was because my blouse covered most of what bothers me being seen. Also is it just me or do the people who make jeggings assume we are all 6 feet tall? Because these are a size Small and I've still got oodles of material pooling around my ankles and knees.

 

Blouse - Purchased from Cookies and Crème Vintage on Etsy

Belt - Déjà New consignment shop in Ottawa

Jeggings - Hue

Shoes - Hush Puppies from Sears

My weekend was a whirlwind. I attended a friend's baby shower on Saturday. It was the first time our girl group had been together in its entirety in years (well, our 6th musketeer is out in Alberta!) and it amazed me how much we had changed and yet stayed the same. One friend brought along her seven (!) year old daughter and it blew my mind once again that my friends are parents and wives and husbands. I keep forgetting we're adults.

 
I'd be lying if I said seeing these things - marriages and babies - happening in the lives of my friends didn't make me sad. While I am overjoyed that these wonderful people are achieving these happy points in their lives, I'm also mourning them a little. Anybody who's had friends have kids knows what I'm talking about. No matter how hard you and they try, it's always going to be different, and very much so.

 

It's everything from having less time and less money, to new priorities and new people. Parents spend a lot of time with other parents. Because us single folks can only take so much diaper-talk and I gather parents can only take so much of hearing about the life they can't live anymore. I'm okay with their choices and where their lives take them - their life is theirs to live after all - but I'll miss the way things used to be nonetheless.

I knew 2012 was going to hold a lot of changes for me - felt it true in my bones - but I never thought I would be going through such an intense personal transformation again. Imagine sitting in front of a huge pile of building blocks, with the task of building who you want to be, but without clear plans on how to do it. (Maybe your snot-nosed cousin tore up the instructions?) You work your way up, only to realize you made a mistake, or you don't like something, or you get a better idea. It's a fluid work in progress with more than one outcome and none of them need to be final. Right now, I'm taking blocks down, turning them around in my hands, and trying to imagine the next thing I want to build with them.

 

There have been a few false starts and I haven't built up much further than my personal foundations, but at least those are solid and dependable now. My structure will have a dependable base upon which to be built, and that gives everything I put into this a better chance of success. I'm also learning to trade building blocks with others, for parts we each might need. Yeah, I'm really digging this metaphor! I hope it makes some sort of sense haha... Anyway, I hope you all had a great weekend and that your Monday is going well. Cheers! 

Good Days

While I have to admit I've recently spent a lot of time feeling anxious and frightened in regards to my future, I still have had quite a few good days. Or at least periods of goodness within my days. My belly dance class is a weekly highlight for me, as are my Tuesday dinners with my grandparents. This past Saturday was a very good day from end to end though, from waking moment to hitting the pillow. With a warm, sunny day ahead of me, I took the opportunity to wear this gorgeous India cotton wrap skirt that the ever wonderful Anne gifted me.

 

Blouse - Thrifted from Value Village

Skirt - Gift from Anne

Shoes - Hush Puppies 50% off from Sears

I was reading Medicinal Marzipan's weekly Body Loving Blogosphere post today, and there was a link to another great post titled An Ode To Real Women. I really enjoyed it and just wanted to share. Too often you hear people say that a 'real woman' only looks such-and-such a way or behaves in such-and-such a manner, while this ode brings home the point that we are all real women regardless of our differences. That's just something I think more women - and men - should hear!

When my boots kicked the bucket last week, I had to find myself new walking shoes. I absolutely loathe and despise sneakers and running shoes. Seriously, how stupid do they look with a pretty dress?! I am stubborn and refuse to wear them, but this makes finding good walking shoes rather difficult. I'd spent over an hour - which is a lot so far as I'm concerned - scouring the shoe shops at a nearby mall. Nada. In a last ditch attempt I checked out the Clearance section at Sears and snagged these for 50% off their original $124.99 sticker price. Yoink! They've got a thick sole to cushion my feet, no weird parts to dig into or compress my toes, and they are just what I needed until it gets warm enough to break out my sandals. I'm not sure how I'll deal with rain, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.



I love the print on this skirt! And it's actually long enough to wrap around me without worrying about somehow flashing somebody when a gust of wind comes along, or when I sit down. Actually, I was scrabbling around the locks on the Rideau Canal dressed like this - with a certain amusing long haired fellow - and the skirt did a great job keeping up with my nuttiness while allowing for modesty. Methinks this skirt shall be worn a lot.

I hadn't realized my camera was still zoomed in when I took this first photo, but it turned out to be the one I liked most out of all of them. I recently started a completely different makeup routine with new mineral products from a seller on Etsy. I didn't want to spend ridiculous amounts of money on fancy mineral makeup when I knew I could be getting the same, if not better, quality from someone making the product by hand. not to mention knowing my money is going directly to that person. After inspecting over half a dozen sellers, I settled on Earth Angel Minerals. I bought a sample pack of 20 and I love the products. I've already got plans to buy full sizes of eyeshadow colours and to try out plenty more in sample size - which are generous enough to last me at least two or three months! There's an Eye Brightener which I swear is magic in a jar. (These are my own uncompensated opinions, fyi!)

I've recently gotten the idea of henna-ing my hair stuck in my head. Specifically I'm thinking of using Lush' Caca Rouge and maybe going a deep red-ginger colour. I have never dyed my hair with anything, ever. Not a once. So this would be a very drastic change for me. And you can't really undo the deed once you've henna'd your hair, it's basically live with it or chop it off. I do know that my current hair colour would probably let the red really come out bright and strong, which is what I want. But I'm not certain it would suit me. What do you all think? Have any of you ever henna'd your hair before?

I hope you all had a good weekend. I danced myself silly on Friday night, and my Saturday was fantastic. It was filled with coffee drinking at the Raw Sugar Cafe, wanderings around Dow's Lake, chinese takeout from my favourite place, an intense Super Mario battle and the watching of Labyrinth. All this topped off with some awesome hugs. Twice, because he forgot something and had to come back. Then Sunday I did more solo wandering around the lake and baked some peanut butter banana chocolate chip muffins. I'm seeing the lad again this evening which promises to be wonderful. I hope you're all having a great Monday! Cheers!

Obscured

Sometimes life leads us places we don't expect. Things happen. Things change. And then you wake up one morning and realize that everything is shrouded in a thick fog and you don't know what's going on or where you are or when you'll be able to just see clearly again. I think the fog in my life is finally dissipating, burning away with the morning sun's heat.

I took this photo on Sunday morning, a little after 8:30AM, when I was visiting my parents in Cache Bay this past weekend. The fog was still thick when my father drove me to North Bay, to catch the Greyhound bus and go home, over an hour later. Funnily enough, it just ended abruptly as we were driving along the highway. You could see it behind us in the rear view mirror but once we were around a bend, you'd have never known it was there.

I'm out of that fog now. No more bumping into things, wondering where I am or where I'm going. It's clear skies and smooth sailing from now on. I refuse to get lost in the fog again.

Chelsea asked if my birthday really is on Halloween... Yup, it is! It was sorta fun as a kid, in that my mom would make me Halloween themed cakes and such, but most people are busy celebrating somehow or other already. It makes it hard to do anything specifically for my birthday. I even tried hosting a Halloween party for my 21st, but it was a flop. I still adore Halloween anyway though, it's my favourite Holiday. I hope you all have a groovy Friday and a great weekend. Cheers!

Canada Day!

One hundred and forty four years ago today, Canada came to be as a real country. It had a long way to go to get to the size it is now, but humble beginnings mean not a humble end. Canada is indeed one of the largest countries in the world, something I took for granted as a child.

 

The Ottawa River in the Gatineau hills of Quebec, Canada.

I grew up in rural Northern Ontario, and have only recently ventured outside my home province. As I grow older, I learn of all the amazing places held within this country's borders. Coast to coast, ocean to ocean, the breadth and size of this nation and its people is astounding. Not to mention our ability to live in a land where winter lasts anywhere from 4-8 months of the year, depending on where you're situated!

Frozen Lake Nipissing in Ontario, Canada.

I'm always going to love this land I was born into. There's a piece of me that will always be attached to North Ontario's rolling hills and valleys, its abundant swamps and ponds, numerous lakes and the web-work of rivers, streams and creeks. This land is vibrant, filled with a pulsing life imbued by generations of settlers and immigrants that came to conquer her and call her home.

A hayfield near my hometown of Sturgeon Falls, Ontario, Canada.

My own relatives have been here since before Canada was in existence. My ancestors helped forge a path for those of us here today. Not many people I know can trace their lineage back so far. My blood has walked this land since it was named New-France and even before.

Lake Nipissing, Ontario, Canada.

While my love for this land is undying, I will admit the institution that is Canada's government does not illicit such fervent emotions of love. I know I am lucky to live here, in this country where I am free to be who I want to be and do what I want to do. But I still also believe that this country still has a long way to go before I can really be proud to call myself Canadian in political terms.

 

  The Ottawa River at Deux-Rivières, Ontario, Canada.

But if anybody asks, I am Franco-Ontarienne, a French Canadian living in Ontario. And I am proud of that. So Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canadians, and an early Happy 4th of July to all you Americans! Cheers!

The Lady and the Serpent

I finally got tired of the rain ruining my chances at taking outfit photos. So Saturday evening I hastily cleared out the chaos that was the animal-room and set up to take some pics. This room is kind of like a giant closet. With animals living in it. And an oldschool gaming corner. You can peruse my shoe collection, play Secret of Mana on my SNES and admire my tarantulas all at once!

Dress - Smartset?

Shoes - Walmart

Hemp Necklace - Made by me, Cosmic Spider on Etsy

I was actually surprised when I went searching for the old outfit photos that I haven't worn this dress since back in February. I was also pretty surprised at the change in my face. I hadn't realized the weight loss had affected my face so much. It's odd because at the time I loved the photos so much and thought I looked so good, but now I look back and compare them to now and... I am never letting myself get so heavy again. No way. I didn't look bad exactly, I just didn't feel happy with the way I looked either.

Between the summer of 2010 and now... I have lost 35lbs. And since early 2008, a total of about 55lbs. The changes have been both huge and small, obvious and nearly unnoticed. It was hard to ignore my clothes falling off my hips and sagging on my thinner frame, but the changes in my face it actually took until recently to notice.

Myself and the first of my tarantulas, little Thor.

I still catch myself in front of the mirror sometimes, staring intently at myself almost in awe. I know that probably sounds horribly self-centered but I spent so long despising my doughy body and round fat cheeks that it almost feels unnatural to look at myself and like what I see. The inner me and the outer me haven't quite yet meshed in terms of how I look and how I think I look. Knowing it's me being reflected, but not expecting what is reflected, and being surprised at how much it pleases me.

I love how my cat Caramel is lurking in nearly every photo.

By no means am I over my body-hate or insecurities. I still worry about the pooch of my belly and the way my breasts hang. But I actually like my legs now - okay, maybe not my stumpy ankles - and am willing to wear clothing that show my thighs. I have more confidence and a greater self-worth and I'm not so self-conscious.

I'm not too sure where I'm going with this. Maybe I'm trying to say losing the physical weight is just half the battle. Because you can still be carrying it in your mind, and that's the hardest place to lose it, seems to me. You could be 90lbs soaking wet and still feel fat in your mind... which sadly is a serious problem for too many a person these days.

Holding my ball python Galen.

A friend of mine is out of town for the week so I'll be heading to her apartment everyday to keep an eye on her pets. She's got a rabbit, two rats, a corn snake and a small boa. It works out because when I'm gone for 2 weeks she'll be coming over to keep an eye on my own babies.

And before I forget, Kileen over at Cute and Little is having an awesome giveaway! A chance to win $100 of mineral makeup from Fresh Faces. There's a ton of ways to enter and the makeup all looks good. And if you've not checked out her blog yet either, I totally recommend it!

Is it bad I'm almost glad it's Monday? My weekend wound up being pretty stressful, with a large part of my Sunday afternoon spent driving around trying to find a glass pane to replace a broken one on my other python's terrarium. Plus a scare about being locked out of my car with everything in it on Saturday. Ah well. In less than two weeks, I take a plane to head out to Alberta to be with my boyfriend again. So I guess I'm just happy when each day is over now because it means I'm one day closer to him.

I hope you all had a stellar weekend! Cheers!

Springtime Happiness

Happy Tuesday everyone! It must be the warm Spring weather which is finally here, but I am having another wonderful happy day. A large part of this however is the super sweet comments I've been getting from you lovely people! I really do appreciate them so, so much, I really do.

_{(Since I have no photos of my own right this minute, all those in this post are from a great Canadian photographer I watch on Deviant Art. His name is Thomas Koidhis, but goes by OctoberLife. And get this, he's only 22! I highly recommend checking out his work if you enjoy dreamy nature scenes and gorgeous skies.)}

Plus I have to admit I feel a little giddy whenever people who's blogs I've been reading for over a year - and are in a way responsible for this whole bloggy adventure of mine :) - read and comment on my own humble little spot in the internet. (Hello Milla and Heather!) And the recent new followers! I'm so happy you like what you see, and I'm going to do my best to write enjoyable, interesting posts for you all. :) (See, smiles overflowing, I can't help it!)

I wish I had more outfit photos for you - and there's so much I want to share! - but it's going to have to wait until I'm done moving. (The fact most of my wardrobe is going to be in boxes for a while is a major factor here) I'm so excited for the warmer weather though, and living in this new place. It has a lovely terrace where I'll be able to take sunny outfit photos and drink my morning coffee and... well, I'm excited!

I've been going through a lot of stressful stuff in my life lately, and this weekend I wound up having a long and intense conversation with a friend of mine that really put things into perspective. I seem to have renewed my desire to be a more productive person though, and now a lot of the things that were keeping me from that are finally out of the way. I just need to be settled into my new home to get things going again. (I'm picking up the new place's keys tonight... again excited!)

This is going to involve: Less Time At The Computer! I waste way too much time randomly surfing the internet when I could actually be doing something productive. I want to do more things with my hands. I have all these crazy fun ideas for projects, from learning to knit to doing DIY acid washing (I still plan on doing that!) to building my geckos a new terrarium to growing some tomatoes and more. Hopefully I can get myself in gear and start up on some of this!

I feel about fit to explode with enthusiasm and happiness, which is definitely a pleasant change for me. I just wish I had more people with which to share this feeling. So you folks are going to get the brunt of my overly cheery ways! (and extreme use of exclamation points!)

Are you excited and full of energy for spring, or some particular project? I'd love to hear about whatever it is that's got you excited right now! Cheers!