Ignorance May Be Bliss

But existing in blissful ignorance isn't living, it's just ignorance. I'm seeing so many people who choose to deny life as it is, to live their lives with their heads in the sand. Sometimes their form of ignorance is religion, when for others it's substance abuse, or losing themselves in the bubble-world of a relationship. And I can honestly see the appeal there, in something that promises to make all the scary things go away - or at least seem that way. But pretending the storm on the horizon isn't there isn't going to stop the rain.

It just seems so weak resorting to that kind of behavior. A coward's way out. It's especially disappointing to see people who's opinions I used to value existing like that, now that I'm more aware of such things. I'm not a deep thinker, I'm not a genius and I know that. I'm a pretty simple person. But it just seems so stupid to live like that. To ignore the obvious and keep riding that speeding train toward the broken bridge up ahead. Hiding in a church, inside a chemical high, in the arms of a lover, that's not the way to go.



While I can understand that change is frightening, the reality is that it's inevitable. Things are going to change sooner or later, whether you want them to or not. I just think it's better to be the catalyst for that change, to be in control, rather than simply duck down and let things go and just be along for the ride. The later might be easier now but it's going to be a lot more difficult dealing with the fallout in the future. My hatches are going to be battened down when that storm hits, I will be ready to face it and get through it.

I've been plowing along through life alone these last few years, and while it's been difficult and confusing and frightening, I've never gone so far as to just ignore the reality of life's struggles as my actual lifestyle. It's one thing to take the time to enjoy a little escape, let your mind free itself from worries and stress, and another entirely to live in that world of oblivion everyday and call it reality.

I think the worst thing about all of this is how so many of those people with their heads in the sand are quick to try and pull you down with them. As if their "reality" is the only one that can possibly be true and you're a fool not to live that way. But I don't need the comfort of a fictitious god figure or the numbing properties of a substance to get through this life. I still have so much to learn, but I know that much at least.

I'm going to face this life and all it can throw at me head on, with confidence in myself. Because the feelings of safety and confidence brought forth through religions and substances and dependent-relationships are not going to cut it. I've been standing on my own two feet this long, I'm not about to get down on my knees and jam my head in the sand with the rest of them. I'm better than that. And I think they are too, if they just made the effort and faced life as it is and not how they wish it were. 



So while I am still filled with a lot of fears and doubts about my future, I'm okay with that. I understand that it's just a part of life, and that it will also reward me with feelings of joy and comfort and safety when I work towards those things as goals. Nobody has any say in how my life will turn out but me, and I'm not about to throw that away for some outward source of temporary false comfort. You can live with your rose-tinted glasses on but the world isn't all pink. I like it in every shade, even the darker ones, because it makes the high points all the better. I'm going to try my best not to dwell on others' mistakes - or my own - but to learn from them and move on to grow and progress, as awkward and uncomfortable as that can be. Because I am alive. I am awake. And I'm not letting that go.

Shades of Nature

It's springtime, and everybody is just mad about pastels and bright springy colours. Except me. I on the other hand, am still dressed in browns and greens and am so ready to blend in with natural surroundings. Who needs camouflage when you've got this kind of paisley?

 

Top - Thrifted from Value Village

Skirt - Thrifted from Value Village

Leggings - Who knows

Shoes - Sears, Hush Puppies

The day I took these photos started off with some cold rain, and I was forced to take them indoors. By the time my friend and I wandered off on a walk to the Arboretum though, it had tapered off to an annoying but tolerable light mist. Everything was so lush and green from the rain. The only thing that could have made it more enjoyable would've been slightly warmer temperatures so that things like frogs and newts might be out. It was still too cool for them yet!

 

Now that's what I call flounce! I thrifted this skirt after having realized my wardrobe had a serious lack of not-maxi length items. They're all well and good when it's not too hot out, but I'll melt once it starts hitting 25'C again. I'm not exactly certain how I dealt with this last summer, other than for the fact my workplace is air conditioned and I live by myself which allows for a minimum of clothing while in my home!

I was rather insulted today when one of my co-workers commented on the dark circles under my eyes and said that I was looking very tired. They'd probably think I was about to drop over dead if they actually saw me without any makeup! I have dark circles under my eyes. There is nothing I can do about this. I can sleep twelve hours of glorious deep sleep and there will still be dark circles under my eyes. I was wearing foundation and VERY good coverup when I got this comment. It just drives me crazy that we as women - especially young women - are expected to look flawless and well-rested every hour of the day, no matter what, and that somehow if we don't look that way, it's everybody's business to inquire about it.

I've mentioned it here before, but I happen to like how I look without makeup most of the time. Even with the dark circles and kinda-red patches and forehead shininess. I wear makeup because I enjoy it - which is why my eyeshadow is so in yo' face - and not because I'm trying to hide my natural complexion or skin tone. It's me, my skin. I'm okay with it. I am not okay with people coming to assumptions because of it. Especially when that's not even anywhere near how I would actually look if I had not had proper sleep and had no makeup on.

 

Those are the sorts of comments that get a girl wondering if she's hideous and worrying that everybody must think she looks like an exhausted mess. It might seem insignificant, but for some people it's enough to tip them into a nasty cycle of self-loathing and personal issues. Pro tip folks, don't tell people they look tired, it's insulting, regardless your motive! Anyway, sudden rant aside... I hope you're all having a good week. Cheers!

Smurf Legs

The thought didn't cross my mind that blue tights and white shoes might resemble Smurfs when I left my apartment that morning, but it definitely popped up later. I've added the idea of being Smurfette as a Halloween costume to the back of my brain now. I can also tell you that having electric blue legs gets you stared at. A lot. Which is pretty darned amusing!

 

Dress - Thrifted from Value Village

Tights - We Love Colours

Shoes - Thrifted from Value Village

I've been having a wonderful week, even if the weather does feel a bit like Mother Nature is going through menopause... We keep having freakishly warm days, like hot flashes! On Monday I went for a walk along the Ottawa river and it was so warm and lovely out that I didn't even need a jacket, but the last few days have been windy and bitter in comparison. Today's another weird warm day!

 

The recent week has brought me close to new people in my life and I'm exploring some really deep, genuine connections. It feels like I'm 'leveling up' in terms of my social abilities, and finally attracting the kind of people I want in my life. Positive, open, caring, honest, selfless people. On two separate occasions this week I've been told that it's amazing how laid back and understanding I am, and how amazing my willingness to see others' view points and take the time to actually listen and hear someone out really is. I still have a long way to go before I'm satisfied with the way I interact with others, but I'm very pleased with the recent advances! I feel like I'm finally getting back everything I've been putting out, and it's just encouraging me to give out even more love and friendship and understanding.

I've got my belly dance class this evening and then my friend Laura and I - who a few months ago was a stranger in class to whom I bravely introduced myself - are going to go enjoy a pitcher afterward. I've also got my mind on some tasty tacos and poutine too, I think! It'll be great to catch up on our weeks; I have plenty of happy things to share with her. I hope you're all having a great week. Cheers!

Changing Times

I've noticed the last few months that my taste in blogs has been changing. For a while I was reading a lot of style blogs and fashion blogs, some with more intellectual content than others. Somewhere along the way, I started discovering more blogs about things like self-love, style and feminism, health and exercise and many less 'shallow' subjects. Then at some point, those kind of took over.

Blouse - Thrifted from the Salvation Army

Skirt - Thrifted from Value Village

Boots - Some sports store

I still read my old favourites, as well as some new loves, but I have to admit that I'm losing interest in most others. My list of unread blog posts in Bloglovin is up around 150 and as I scroll through the titles, so few of them pique my interest. I feel a little guilty, because I started following them all for very good reasons. The women are bright, intelligent, creative, stylish, caring, friendly, inspiring... and I can't help but feel like I'm missing out. Yet I still don't read the posts.

I'm no less interested in style - I enjoy clothes now on myself and others more than ever - but I am less interested in the rampant consumerism and commercialism I see everywhere. It's almost impossible to read style blogs without winding up on a clothing website or scrolling through the shoe sales pages somewhere.

It really bothers me seeing young women being sent items from companies, to the point where their outfits are entirely comprised of 'care of' items. Most of them are too young to realize they're being used as free advertising. The pittance spent sending out pairs of shoes or tops saves companies thousands of dollars in formal advertising. And those 16-17-18 year olds have no clue, neither the ones wearing the items, or those happily eating it up and running out to buy more of the same.

Too often I'm also seeing fat-shaming, and an obsession with weight loss, becoming thinner, overly-expensive beauty products and well... just lots of things I disagree with and dislike. I support creativity, stepping outside the box, being a unique individual with different tastes, diversity and an open mind. Go take a stroll through any large mall though, and people look like clones of each other most of the time. I think the kicker is when I see someone wearing an item I was looking at in a store, but dismissed for being cheap, overpriced and mass produced. Moments like those remind me why I thrift and buy vintage.

I guess what I'm getting at with all of this is that, for the most part, I've moved on to another stage in my life, at least blog-wise. I'm more interested in content about emotions, self-love, desires, sex, life challenges, goals, health, exercise, food and eating habits, and things that add to my life. And while it can be nice to get a little outfit inspiration, I'd rather read something that inspires people to do something greater, be it starting to exercise regularly in a healthy manner or to stop thinking negative thoughts about our bodies.

If any of this stuff sounds like something you would like to start reading about (and if you follow Sal's blog, you've probably seen some of these before) here are some of my favourites. I really think any woman can gain from the voices of these strong female writers.

• Medicinal Marzipan
• Head-Heart-Health
• Zoe and the Beatles
• Fit and Feminist
• Roots of She
• Danielle Dowling

I've been putting off going through my blog list and cleaning things up, distinguishing what I really really love from what I just feel meh about. Reading blogs should not be an onerous chore and until I get that done, it's going to feel that way. I really hope some of you do check out these blogs, they shone light on a lot of things for me. I wish you all a super awesome weekend. Cheers!

The Last

As the title says, these are the last photos of me before I had my bangs. I really like how this sweater is practically the same green as in the skirt. I have to be careful when thrifting though, otherwise my entire wardrobe would be some variation of that shade. It's like my natural instinct is to collect clothes that let me camouflage into the underbrush haha...

Sweater - Thrifted from Value Village

Skirt - Thrifted from the Salvation Army

Tights - We Love Colours

Shoes - Spring

I look forward to the day I can take outfit photos outside again. I hate these indoor shots. The quality is bad, the lighting is bad... bad! I miss natural sunlight, and not worrying about the flash making my tights glow. The only real advantage is the lack of wind. Can't wait for winter to be over and it's barely begun, sigh.

These next two photos are from an outfit that never really happened. But how do I have photos, you ask? Well I picked it all out the night before and tried it on to see if it worked. I decided I liked it, took some shots... And then the next day I wound up staying home sick and the outfit was never actually worn. Which is a good thing because I don't really like it anymore. But here it is anyway!

This week feels interminably long again. I have a thousand things to do in the evenings and it seems like I've never got time to do everything that needs doing. I wind up in bed later than I like most nights just so I can actually have the time to unwind and breathe.

I really want to go through my closet and dresser. I want to empty all my kitchen cupboards and reorganize those. I have a huge pile of small-mending that needs doing. Things I need a big chunk of time to sit down and devote myself to before I feel comfortable getting into them. I'll need to have a home-weekend and get all this done sometime.

I realized yesterday that my apartment lease ends in April, and that means I can move again. And I don't have to stay in Ottawa. Winter always makes me want to run away, but every time I get the urge, it's always stronger. I really love living in the city, but I miss the country. I want a simple life. Simple isn't easy, but it seems a lot better than this. Anyway! I hope you all have a good Wednesday. Cheers!

Obscured

Sometimes life leads us places we don't expect. Things happen. Things change. And then you wake up one morning and realize that everything is shrouded in a thick fog and you don't know what's going on or where you are or when you'll be able to just see clearly again. I think the fog in my life is finally dissipating, burning away with the morning sun's heat.

I took this photo on Sunday morning, a little after 8:30AM, when I was visiting my parents in Cache Bay this past weekend. The fog was still thick when my father drove me to North Bay, to catch the Greyhound bus and go home, over an hour later. Funnily enough, it just ended abruptly as we were driving along the highway. You could see it behind us in the rear view mirror but once we were around a bend, you'd have never known it was there.

I'm out of that fog now. No more bumping into things, wondering where I am or where I'm going. It's clear skies and smooth sailing from now on. I refuse to get lost in the fog again.

Chelsea asked if my birthday really is on Halloween... Yup, it is! It was sorta fun as a kid, in that my mom would make me Halloween themed cakes and such, but most people are busy celebrating somehow or other already. It makes it hard to do anything specifically for my birthday. I even tried hosting a Halloween party for my 21st, but it was a flop. I still adore Halloween anyway though, it's my favourite Holiday. I hope you all have a groovy Friday and a great weekend. Cheers!

Canada Day!

One hundred and forty four years ago today, Canada came to be as a real country. It had a long way to go to get to the size it is now, but humble beginnings mean not a humble end. Canada is indeed one of the largest countries in the world, something I took for granted as a child.

 

The Ottawa River in the Gatineau hills of Quebec, Canada.

I grew up in rural Northern Ontario, and have only recently ventured outside my home province. As I grow older, I learn of all the amazing places held within this country's borders. Coast to coast, ocean to ocean, the breadth and size of this nation and its people is astounding. Not to mention our ability to live in a land where winter lasts anywhere from 4-8 months of the year, depending on where you're situated!

Frozen Lake Nipissing in Ontario, Canada.

I'm always going to love this land I was born into. There's a piece of me that will always be attached to North Ontario's rolling hills and valleys, its abundant swamps and ponds, numerous lakes and the web-work of rivers, streams and creeks. This land is vibrant, filled with a pulsing life imbued by generations of settlers and immigrants that came to conquer her and call her home.

A hayfield near my hometown of Sturgeon Falls, Ontario, Canada.

My own relatives have been here since before Canada was in existence. My ancestors helped forge a path for those of us here today. Not many people I know can trace their lineage back so far. My blood has walked this land since it was named New-France and even before.

Lake Nipissing, Ontario, Canada.

While my love for this land is undying, I will admit the institution that is Canada's government does not illicit such fervent emotions of love. I know I am lucky to live here, in this country where I am free to be who I want to be and do what I want to do. But I still also believe that this country still has a long way to go before I can really be proud to call myself Canadian in political terms.

 

  The Ottawa River at Deux-Rivières, Ontario, Canada.

But if anybody asks, I am Franco-Ontarienne, a French Canadian living in Ontario. And I am proud of that. So Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canadians, and an early Happy 4th of July to all you Americans! Cheers!

Electric Ladyland

This has got to be one of my favourite summer outfits. It's bright, and colourful, and cheery! What else can I ask for in an outfit than butterflies and crazy colours? I don't wear the belt if I'm just bumming around the house, but I feel it's kind of necessary to make it at least slightly office-appropriate. It's definitely not something I'd wear to a meeting!

Tee - Thrifted from Value Village

Skirt - Thrifted from Value Village

Shoes - Fairweather

Belt - Ardene's

I was a bit miffed to realize yesterday that less people actually READ my blog than just look at the photos. The reason I bring this up is that not just one, but two people complimented me on my "skirt" yesterday. I was wearing pants. I listed "gaucho pants" in the items and even mentioned someone thinking it was a skirt at first and... Eh. I just think it's rude not to read the post entirely. Especially when you leave a comment that pretty much proves you didn't read it. Ah well.

I'm pretty bummed out today. I'd mentioned before how my friend Becky (with whom I went hiking on the Solstice) is leaving Ottawa. Last night we went out for dinner one last time and said our goodbyes. I had been sad about this already, but when I found out she most likely wouldn't be making it out to Motion Notion next month, I was crushed.

I'd been so looking forward to seeing her one last time out there, and spending some magical friend festival time together. I'm really more distressed about all this than I thought I would be. She's a very dear friend and I will miss her deeply.

On a less sad note, at least my toes are cheerful! Bright orange and green. They make me think of happy little pumpkins. I might wind up bringing my nail polish with me out to Alberta, I do believe I'm currently too addicted to painted nails not to. And apparently my pinkie toes are now escaping these shoes, hm.

I forgot my food at home today, and I am so hungry without my morning snacks. I hope I can make it back home, eat, and get back to work in time without also getting caught in any rain. It certainly doesn't look too nice outside. But I refuse to buy disgusting, greasy, over-priced takeout. Or to wait 20 minutes in a line to buy said takeout. It takes less time to walk home!

Anyhow, I hope you're all having a good Wednesday. Cheers!

Friend Friday - Vacation Style

Happy Friday everyone! I'm sorry I missed out on last week's FBFF but I was in training at work and it completely slipped my mind until days later. I'm not letting myself slip by so easily this week though, especially not when the subject is what to wear on vacation.

1. When it comes to packing for vacation what’s your mantra?
I spend a lot of time checking out weather reports before heading anywhere for any amount of time. Then I try to pack items for any possible weather occurrence. And then I pack a little extra, in case those original pieces somehow get dirtied/ruined during my adventures. I guess my mantra is paranoid over packing?

2. What are your must packs?
About a bizzilion pairs of socks (there is nothing worse than cold or soggy feet) and a good snuggly cardigan. Of course my MP3 player for the long boring transportation time. Oh, and a snack! I am notorious for packing snackables no matter where I go, and boy do the security staff get a laugh out of it when they search my bags sometimes haha...

Australia's first ever captive-born Galapagos tortoise.

3. What are you happy to leave behind?
I am most happy to leave behind the stupid little sock things I wear inside my closed-toe shoes at work. 8 hours in a shoe = gross, and the socks keep the grossness to a minimum, but they're ugly and uncomfortable and when I'm on summer vacay, my toesies go free!

4. Any packing secrets that help you get everything into one suitcase?
I'd hardly call it a secret, but I need to sit on my suitcase at the end to flatten everything enough so I can zip it shut. (Like I said, over packer!)

5. Beach reading… what are you taking with you to read in the sand?
Whatever I happen to be reading at the time I guess. I'm not a student or anything, so my reading habits are all purely for my own enjoyment. Right now I'm reading two books, one is a fictional zombie novel and the other is a non-fiction work about the marijuana business in Canada.

FIN.

To keep this from being too boring, I posted some photos from my Pinterest. Like most every other person I see using the site, I am also addicted. This is just a smattering of what I've got up there. The fare ranges from knick knacks, food, clothes, shoes and nature photos to craft DIY's, vintage photos, home decor ideas and animals. If you haven't joined already, let me know, I'd be happy to send you an invite! Just beware the addictiveness.

I hope you all have a super fun joy filled weekend. Cheers!

Goin' it Solo

It tends to garner strange reactions from people when I tell them I actually enjoy the 5 hour car rides by myself, whenever I go visit my parents. But it's 5 hours where I don't have to talk to anyone, I don't have to worry about anything except driving, and I can listen to my music as loud as I want - because there's nobody there to say otherwise! It's think time. It's me time. And I dig it. Especially when I get to do it on days as nice as this past Saturday.

It was warm, sunny, and positively wonderful. There was one frustrating thing about the day, and that was that the traffic was so heavy. I just couldn't chance stopping to take photos most of the time because it would have been dangerous to pull over. I took the above photo from my car while stopped at a traffic light, heh.

Dress - Purchased from Gotta Go Vintage on Etsy

Shoes - Spring

I pulled over at a rest stop and picnic area - the Trans Canada Highway in this area has absolutely gorgeous rest stops - and was super excited to get some photos. Of course I only too soon found out that once the breeze let up, black flies would come to torture me. Insane numbers of them would fly out of nowhere the minute the wind let up. And those suckers (no pun intended) will eat you alive in no time.

I didn't stick around too long because of the insects (an elderly couple arrived, unpacked lawn chairs, cracked beers, and then hastily made a retreat back into their vehicle the minute the breeze let up) but I'm glad I got a few shots in this dress. It's definitely going to be a summer staple for me.

There's something about the land in North Ontario that just speaks to me. The rolling hills, the lakes, rivers, creeks, swamps, and ponds. It's a very wild place, the further north you go, the further apart the settlements and the smaller those are too. (I was actually wondering if I'd find a gas station before running out of gas on my drive back, that's how sparse things are out there, even on the highway).

This is land that was populated by Native Americans not so long ago. My own French-Canadian ancestors were the loggers, miners and coureur-des-bois that helped open up this land. My great-great-grandfather was a lumberjack, one of the men who used to ride the logs down the rivers to the mills. I really do love this land, and it's a part of me as much as I am a part of it.

I hope you're all having a lovely week. There are more photos from my weekend - including a few dorky ones of me fooling around with fish - that I'll be sharing in another post. I also got a few more well-lit photos of this outfit, which I am happy about. And tomorrow is Friday, wee! Cheers!

Springtime Happiness

Happy Tuesday everyone! It must be the warm Spring weather which is finally here, but I am having another wonderful happy day. A large part of this however is the super sweet comments I've been getting from you lovely people! I really do appreciate them so, so much, I really do.

_{(Since I have no photos of my own right this minute, all those in this post are from a great Canadian photographer I watch on Deviant Art. His name is Thomas Koidhis, but goes by OctoberLife. And get this, he's only 22! I highly recommend checking out his work if you enjoy dreamy nature scenes and gorgeous skies.)}

Plus I have to admit I feel a little giddy whenever people who's blogs I've been reading for over a year - and are in a way responsible for this whole bloggy adventure of mine :) - read and comment on my own humble little spot in the internet. (Hello Milla and Heather!) And the recent new followers! I'm so happy you like what you see, and I'm going to do my best to write enjoyable, interesting posts for you all. :) (See, smiles overflowing, I can't help it!)

I wish I had more outfit photos for you - and there's so much I want to share! - but it's going to have to wait until I'm done moving. (The fact most of my wardrobe is going to be in boxes for a while is a major factor here) I'm so excited for the warmer weather though, and living in this new place. It has a lovely terrace where I'll be able to take sunny outfit photos and drink my morning coffee and... well, I'm excited!

I've been going through a lot of stressful stuff in my life lately, and this weekend I wound up having a long and intense conversation with a friend of mine that really put things into perspective. I seem to have renewed my desire to be a more productive person though, and now a lot of the things that were keeping me from that are finally out of the way. I just need to be settled into my new home to get things going again. (I'm picking up the new place's keys tonight... again excited!)

This is going to involve: Less Time At The Computer! I waste way too much time randomly surfing the internet when I could actually be doing something productive. I want to do more things with my hands. I have all these crazy fun ideas for projects, from learning to knit to doing DIY acid washing (I still plan on doing that!) to building my geckos a new terrarium to growing some tomatoes and more. Hopefully I can get myself in gear and start up on some of this!

I feel about fit to explode with enthusiasm and happiness, which is definitely a pleasant change for me. I just wish I had more people with which to share this feeling. So you folks are going to get the brunt of my overly cheery ways! (and extreme use of exclamation points!)

Are you excited and full of energy for spring, or some particular project? I'd love to hear about whatever it is that's got you excited right now! Cheers!