I finally got tired of the rain ruining my chances at taking outfit photos. So Saturday evening I hastily cleared out the chaos that was the animal-room and set up to take some pics. This room is kind of like a giant closet. With animals living in it. And an oldschool gaming corner. You can peruse my shoe collection, play
Secret of Mana on my SNES and admire my tarantulas all at once!
Dress - Smartset?
Shoes - Walmart
I was actually surprised when I went searching for the old outfit photos that I haven't worn this dress since
back in February. I was also pretty surprised at the change in my face. I hadn't realized the weight loss had affected my face so much. It's odd because at the time I loved the photos so much and thought I looked so good, but now I look back and compare them to now and... I am never letting myself get so heavy again. No way. I didn't look
bad exactly, I just didn't feel happy with the way I looked either.
Between the summer of 2010 and now... I have lost 35lbs. And since early 2008, a total of about 55lbs. The changes have been both huge and small, obvious and nearly unnoticed. It was hard to ignore my clothes falling off my hips and sagging on my thinner frame, but the changes in my face it actually took until recently to notice.
Myself and the first of my tarantulas, little
Thor.
I still catch myself in front of the mirror sometimes, staring intently at myself almost in awe. I know that probably sounds horribly self-centered but I spent so long despising my doughy body and round fat cheeks that it almost feels unnatural to look at myself and like what I see. The inner me and the outer me haven't quite yet meshed in terms of how I look and how I
think I look. Knowing it's me being reflected, but not expecting what is reflected, and being surprised at how much it pleases me.
I love how my cat Caramel is lurking in nearly every photo.
By no means am I over my body-hate or insecurities. I still worry about the pooch of my belly and the way my breasts hang. But I actually like my legs now - okay, maybe not my stumpy ankles - and am willing to wear clothing that show my thighs. I have more confidence and a greater self-worth and I'm not so self-conscious.
I'm not too sure where I'm going with this. Maybe I'm trying to say losing the physical weight is just half the battle. Because you can still be carrying it in your mind, and that's the hardest place to lose it, seems to me. You could be 90lbs soaking wet and still feel fat in your mind... which sadly is a serious problem for too many a person these days.
A friend of mine is out of town for the week so I'll be heading to her apartment everyday to keep an eye on her pets. She's got a rabbit, two rats, a corn snake and a small boa. It works out because when I'm gone for 2 weeks she'll be coming over to keep an eye on my own babies.
And before I forget, Kileen over at
Cute and Little is having an
awesome giveaway! A chance to win $100 of mineral makeup from
Fresh Faces. There's a ton of ways to enter and the makeup all looks good. And if you've not checked out her blog yet either, I totally recommend it!
Is it bad I'm almost glad it's Monday? My weekend wound up being pretty stressful, with a large part of my Sunday afternoon spent driving around trying to find a glass pane to replace a broken one on my other python's terrarium. Plus a scare about being locked out of my car with everything in it on Saturday. Ah well. In less than two weeks, I take a plane to head out to Alberta to be with my boyfriend again. So I guess I'm just happy when each day is over now because it means I'm one day closer to him.
I hope you all had a stellar weekend! Cheers!