Ignorance May Be Bliss

But existing in blissful ignorance isn't living, it's just ignorance. I'm seeing so many people who choose to deny life as it is, to live their lives with their heads in the sand. Sometimes their form of ignorance is religion, when for others it's substance abuse, or losing themselves in the bubble-world of a relationship. And I can honestly see the appeal there, in something that promises to make all the scary things go away - or at least seem that way. But pretending the storm on the horizon isn't there isn't going to stop the rain.

It just seems so weak resorting to that kind of behavior. A coward's way out. It's especially disappointing to see people who's opinions I used to value existing like that, now that I'm more aware of such things. I'm not a deep thinker, I'm not a genius and I know that. I'm a pretty simple person. But it just seems so stupid to live like that. To ignore the obvious and keep riding that speeding train toward the broken bridge up ahead. Hiding in a church, inside a chemical high, in the arms of a lover, that's not the way to go.



While I can understand that change is frightening, the reality is that it's inevitable. Things are going to change sooner or later, whether you want them to or not. I just think it's better to be the catalyst for that change, to be in control, rather than simply duck down and let things go and just be along for the ride. The later might be easier now but it's going to be a lot more difficult dealing with the fallout in the future. My hatches are going to be battened down when that storm hits, I will be ready to face it and get through it.

I've been plowing along through life alone these last few years, and while it's been difficult and confusing and frightening, I've never gone so far as to just ignore the reality of life's struggles as my actual lifestyle. It's one thing to take the time to enjoy a little escape, let your mind free itself from worries and stress, and another entirely to live in that world of oblivion everyday and call it reality.

I think the worst thing about all of this is how so many of those people with their heads in the sand are quick to try and pull you down with them. As if their "reality" is the only one that can possibly be true and you're a fool not to live that way. But I don't need the comfort of a fictitious god figure or the numbing properties of a substance to get through this life. I still have so much to learn, but I know that much at least.

I'm going to face this life and all it can throw at me head on, with confidence in myself. Because the feelings of safety and confidence brought forth through religions and substances and dependent-relationships are not going to cut it. I've been standing on my own two feet this long, I'm not about to get down on my knees and jam my head in the sand with the rest of them. I'm better than that. And I think they are too, if they just made the effort and faced life as it is and not how they wish it were. 



So while I am still filled with a lot of fears and doubts about my future, I'm okay with that. I understand that it's just a part of life, and that it will also reward me with feelings of joy and comfort and safety when I work towards those things as goals. Nobody has any say in how my life will turn out but me, and I'm not about to throw that away for some outward source of temporary false comfort. You can live with your rose-tinted glasses on but the world isn't all pink. I like it in every shade, even the darker ones, because it makes the high points all the better. I'm going to try my best not to dwell on others' mistakes - or my own - but to learn from them and move on to grow and progress, as awkward and uncomfortable as that can be. Because I am alive. I am awake. And I'm not letting that go.

Frustrating

Plenty of things make me frustrated these days, and it's really hard for me to just keep calm and let it go. Especially if I'm frustrated about not being able to fall asleep when it's 2am hah. I'm also pretty frustrated with the fact that Blogger seems to be eating all my comments on other people's blogs. I've tried everything, every option, but my comment just disappears into the ether. So... I'm not avoiding you or ignoring you, I just can't actually comment on your blogs to save my life.

Top -Thrifted from Value Village

Skirt - Thrifted from the Salvation Army

Moccasins - Sears sale, Hush Puppies

Another recent frustration is that wearing long skirts on daily 45 minute walks just doesn't really work out so well. Especially if it's windy. Now that I'm wearing leggings, the skirts get all tangled up around my legs or snag on my boots. I'm actually wishing I owned more pants. But I don't even have the money to go thrift any because I still haven't started working yet. That's another frustration... the restaurant that hired me is still waiting on the delivery of their tables, which clearly are required to run the place. Soon hopefully? *sigh*

It feels like I'm trapped in Limbo again, in the middle and going nowhere. It's left me far too much time to just sit around thinking and feeling things. Last evening, I was staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling, upset by my inability to properly emote. I'm like a caveman bashing rocks together on the emotional evolutionary scale. I thought I'd made some progress but that was only just being aware of the fact I'm a terrible communicator. Anyway, we're having a student lunch with our Chefs today which I'm looking forward to. Hopefully I can get a word in edgewise against all the uppity 18 year old girls. Have a good week! Cheers!

Irregular Programing

I can't really say posting outfit photos is going back to the regular swing of things around here when it seems to be the complete opposite. Zombie Walks, pastries, festivals... But I guess that's the point of having my own blog, I can post anything I want to here. Years from now I'll prefer scrolling through this stuff than forced outfit shots, I'm certain. However, I do still take the occasional outfit photo and here's a new outfit I enjoyed wearing in mid-October.

Leather Jacket - Danier
Neck warmer - Gift from Anne

Sweater-dress - Eva-B in Montreal

Leggings - Can't remember

Boots - Thrifted from Value Village

Glasses - A pharmacy in Chéticamp, NS

What possessed me to buy a wooly sweater-dress in the middle of July is beyond me, but I think the face on the front had a lil' somethin' to do with it. I'm a sucker for cheesy stuff. And this is definitely that. My friend Laura saw it on me and instantly said "So 80's!" which explains a lot methinks.

I haven't got a whole lot else to say at the moment. I had a Demo Assistant shift at school this morning, helping a Chef during an Intermediate Pastry demo while he made Délice Caramel (which I also got to enjoy, yay!) and now I'm home for the afternoon until I head back for a Canning Workshop this evening.

Tomorrow I've got a Prep Kitchen Assistant shift which will probably be a bit more stressful since the Cuisine Chefs are less than enthused about having us Basic Pastry students in their kitchen, with our lack of general cuisine skills. I'm still looking forward to it, even if I am nervous. Everything's that made me nervous or frightened so far has turned out to be totally groovy for the most part so this is probably going to be that way too. I hope you have a great Monday and a good start to your week. Cheers!

Past Pandemonium

I can't believe I never got around to posting my photos from the Pandemonium Festival! Apparently I just take forever to do just about everything these days, unless it involves food or laundering my school uniform. So here, months after the fact, are the photos (a whole whack of them) from my time spent with my wonderful friends Becky and Marty at the Pandemonium 2012 music festival back in August.

I consider this to have been my very best and most favourite festival experience so far, in the few years I've been attending. It's one of those times that will stay with me until my very last, a joyous time I take out and turn around in my hands and smile in gladness, knowing it is mine and no one can take it away. I love my friends, so very dearly, and I love that we shared this experience together. I hope you may all know such joy and goodness. Cheers!

Ssssweet Things

What a day I've had! I won't go into details because it's stressed me out enough, but suffice to say I am very unhappy with the Government of Canada, how they run this country, and how they treat their citizens. So on a lighter note... feast your eyes on some of the tasty sweet things I've been baking up in class this past week, and shots of my gorgeous Jewel the female albino checkered garter snake.



The above are a Pithivers and six overstuffed Chaussons aux Pommes (apple turnovers) made with puff pastry dough. The top pastry is filled with an almond cream and I'm really quite pleased with how it turned out. The only hitch was the little "petals" should be round rather than pointy.



I can't believe what a big girl my sweet Jewel is turning into! I remember when she was barely as big 'round as a pencil and now she's such a chunky spunky thing. She just gets prettier the more she grows, with those gorgeous yellows and lavenders in her scales.



Lastly, here's one you all probably recognize. I baked this Black Forest cake on Friday. I even made the chocolate shavings! It was a really fun practical that day and I'm happy with how it came out, even if I wound up not using nearly enough simple syrup to soak the cake layers and it turned out a tad too dry. Live and learn! I won't be making that mistake again. Anyhow, that's that for now. I hope you've had a good Monday and your week goes well. Cheers!

Ottawa Zombie Walk 2012

And what a great Zombie Walk it was! I had an absolute blast, as per usual. Even with the misty rain and chilliness.My friend Ed the Head and I really enjoyed ourselves. This is the third time my friend Tina joins in on the walk too, she's always a great zombie.

Admittedly I spent a lot of time being a smiling zombie, because I was having such a good time. There were so many fantastic costumes and it was just great. Great I say! I love me a good zombie walk!

There wasn't as big a turnout as I was hoping, but that's probably due to the weather. Only really die-hard zombies (no pun intended heehee) show up when it's like this! As you can see below though, there were still more than enough of us to completely cover the lawn in front of Parliament on the hill. Can you spot me in the crowd on the steps? :)

The annual Zombie Walk is my absolute most favourite way of celebrating any season or holiday. As soon as it's over I'm already wishing for the next. I hope you're all having a really groovy Halloween season too! Cheers!

Soggy Saturday

It's raining today, which is a shame, because today is the day of the Zombie Walk! I posted a little about it previous years I attended, and this is my fifth year going now. I'm zombing it up with my friend Tina again this time. I guess we're just going to be a bunch of soggy zombies!

I went out dancing for Ritual Nights last night which was great fun. I was too tired to go the last time around but this made up for missing it. Since money is tight I didn't want to spend any cash on costumes (my zombie outfit is made from clothes I was going throw out/send to the thrift store) I just dressed myself up as a spider lady with a spiderweb shirt and spider ornament.

Yesterday we made brioche and croissants with the dough we'd prepared the previous class. My pastries came out well, but there was a near disaster when someone didn't properly shut the communal oven door, causing the oven temperature to crash by nearly 100'C. Thankfully my baked goods were nearly done so it just took them a little longer to be properly golden brown, but others fared worse. One tray of croissants wound up melting into mushy little piles of gooey dough rather than crisping and rising like they should. Pastry kitchen drama!



The funniest thing was probably just the fact that braiding the brioche was a huge deal for all the men because most of them don't know how to braid anything, much less dough haha. Thank goodness for feminine skills! Anyway, I aught to eat some late breakfast and start getting ready for this Zombie Walk. I hope you're having a good weekend. Cheers!