Looking Back

There are a lot of posts out there lately covering outfits from 2011. I thought about doing this myself, but when I started scrolling through January 2011's posts, I immediately changed my mind. It's funny, because at the time, I was more than happy with those posts. Almost proud of them. Now I cringe at the bad photos and my weird ramblings.

April 22, 2011

I've changed so much in the last year. I consider myself a completely different person. I'd had a sense during the last few years that I wasn't quite as I should be. Like the person I was wasn't who I really was, if that makes any sense. 

 

November 5, 2011

I realize now I was transforming into my true self, like caterpillar to butterfly. I just spent an inordinate amount of time making my cocoon... and then more time inside that cocoon. I like to think that 2012 is the year I unfurl my fresh wings, let them dry and learn to fly as my new self.

June 27, 2011 - August 14, 2011

I dabble in writing now and again (like my failed NaNoWriMo) and often go back to read my older work. I'd like to share a poem with you that I wrote back in February of 2010, nearly two years ago. It's probably far more obvious to me since it's my poem and my life, but reading this now, the links are almost uncanny.

August 12, 2011

Feel the Pull

I want to sit in a sea of pillows and sip tea,

Like some exotic princess of the orient,

Or a chick in a downy feathered nest.

There will be bead hangings in doorways,

And summer breezes flowing through

Open doors and thin billowing curtains.

Yet my dreams of colourful flowing dresses

And long hair that blows in the wind still

Somehow always end up as black denim.

I'm beating my fists against the windows

Of my eyes, trying to set myself free,

But now is not the time for flying.

Still, my soul cracks open my chest,

Letting me feel that ever expansive feeling

Of being connected with all as one.

My mind is capable of more than I know,

And I want to feel it all over again,

With the world flowing through my head.

It's an eternal tug of war behind my ribs,

Desires running wild like headless birds,

And I can't help but wonder, what now?

Yet breathing isn't easy in the city,

So I hold my breath, and drive like mad

With the windows down, come pasture.

Eventually something will change, and the

Fettered desires of my being will be free to dance

With wildflowers and lay in beds of spider silk. 

July 1, 2011

This was written at a time when I was still discovering my style and my sense of self as an individual. I was reading post after post from Heather, Anne, Missa and Milla's blog archives (see, I'd not be me without you blog ladies!) and setting foot on a path to change.

September 15, 2011 - October 5, 2011

If 2010 was the year for my struggle to realize I needed to change, 2011 was the year for that change. Which brings me back to why I don't want to bring back most of my older posts. I don't recognize that person as me anymore, for many reasons.

May 25, 2011 - April 15, 2011

Beyond my internal changes, like beginning to  process new and complex emotions, nurturing friendships and love, and learning to be confident and open, I changed a lot physically too. I've lost a lot of weight. I've changed my hair. I dress differently, because I'm confident enough to do so. But if I dislike those outfits so much, what are these photos? They're the ones I feel resonate "me" the most, either because of what I was wearing or what I was doing or just how I remember feeling that day. Most are from later in the year, unsurprisingly.

November 25, 2011

August 1, 2011

If you've made it this far... yay! Thank you for reading my blog, and thank you to those who take the time to comment. Your words always bring joy into my day. I never figured blogs would be the catalyst for change in my life, but here lies the proof. I hope you all have a lovely weekend. Cheers!